Lively the First

One year ago today, my grandfather died. It's astounding to me that it has been a year. Like I mentioned in my last post, I can't remember a time when my Lively (the one-year-old!) was not in my life. And although my son Lively was born just before my grandfather Lively died, it seems like I saw my grandfather a few days ago. 

I think of my grandfather every day, and miss him so much that my heart hurts, every day. I also forget that he's gone all the time. Something big might happen in my life, for the good or the bad, and I will think, I can't wait to call my grandparents and tell them about this. And it will feel like a shock when I realize that he's not there.

So much has happened in the last year, so many scary and busy and heart-wrenching days (as well as quite a few good ones) have occurred, that I'm fairly certain that my brain and my heart have been unable to accept my grandfather's death. It's just too much to process. Will I ever? Hard to say right now.

Here are some of my favorite photos of my grandfather, in no particular order.

This is Christmas 2008. Annie was 1 1/2, and I was pretty newly pregnant with Lively. My grandfather always looked happy like this, even when chemo made him feel terrible.

This is my grandfather holding Annie during her first birthday party at my parents' house in Kentucky.

January 2008. Annie is around 5 months old. My grandparents had us over for breakfast (blueberry pancakes). My grandfather always wore a kimono in the mornings!

Holding Annie Christmas 2007. She was 4 months old, and this photo was taken just before we left to come home to Ann Arbor.

Also Christmas 2007. My grandfather reading The Night Before Christmas to Annie and Lively the Second (my cousin Patrick and his wife Lee's little boy). I love this one.

My grandparents came to visit us in Ann Arbor when Annie was 8 weeks old. There are several photos I love from that visit.

I really like this one of both my grandparents.

Annie is about 6 weeks old in this one. This is also breakfast at my grandparents' house, something Pete and I always loved to do when we visited. I had to include this one because of the kimono!

My grandfather just before the start of my wedding.

My favorite. The best day of my life was the day Pete and I got married, and my grandfather gave a blessing at our wedding. Pete and I will always remember this moment in particular. I especially love this photo because of the look on my grandfather's face. You can tell he's saying something silly.

I haven't known exactly how to mark this anniversary (for myself), but I felt it was important to. I want to read this blog with my Lively one day, and I want him to be able to understand why I needed to name him after this great man.