Dumb me

I did something really dumb the other day. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Are you ready for it? I looked up the "normal" milestones that a child should have met by the end of one year. Here's Lively's checklist, with the criteria he meets highlighted:

Social and Emotional:

• Shy or anxious with strangers(just starting to be, although maybe only with doctors)
• Cries when mother or father leaves
• Enjoys imitating people in his play
• Shows specific preferences for certain people and toys
• Tests parental responses to his actions during feedings (feedings? what feedings?)
• Tests parental responses to his behavior
• May be fearful in some situations (see above re: shyness)
• Prefers mother and/or regular caregiver over all others
• Repeats sounds or gestures for attention
• Finger-feeds himself (see above re: feedings)
• Extends arm or leg to help when being dressed (nope, dressing him is like dressing a wiggly newborn, only bigger)

Movement:

• Reaches sitting position without assistance (still needs lots of assistance)
• Crawls forward on belly (doesn't like his belly, nowhere near crawling)
• Assumes hands-and-knees position (hates it)
• Creeps on hands and knees (see above)
• Gets from sitting to crawling or prone (lying on stomach) position (he can do supine to prone, but I guess that doesn't count)
• Pulls self up to stand
• Walks holding on to furniture
• Stands momentarily without support (OK, he did this once for a millisecond, and I took a photo. I don't think it counts though.)
• May walk two or three steps without support

Hand and Finger Skills:

• Uses pincer grasp
• Bangs two objects together
• Puts objects into container
• Takes objects out of container
• Lets objects go voluntarily
• Pokes with index finger

Language

• Pays increasing attention to speech (I'm not sure what this means, but I'll give him credit.)
• Responds to simple verbal requests
• Responds to "no" (reserved for Annie right now)
• Uses simple gestures, such as shaking head for “no”
• Babbles with inflection (changes in tone) (I guess)
• Says "dada" and "mama"
• Uses exclamations, such as "Oh-oh!"
• Tries to imitate words(not really sure, but sometimes I think that's what he's doing, so I'll count it)

Cognitive

• Explores objects in many different ways (shaking, banging, throwing, dropping)
• Finds hidden objects easily
• Looks at correct picture when the image is named
• Imitates gestures
• Begins to use objects correctly (drinking from cup, brushing hair, dialing phone, listening to receiver)

So why, you may ask, would I do something like this?

I have, in fact, very specifically avoided looking at these milestones since Lively was diagnosed with infantile spasms almost 7 months ago. I have been warned against comparing him to his sister, the kid down the street, other family members.

But I guess sometimes, I look at Lively and I think, he's fine. He's normal, right? Everything is OK. We don't really need all these doctor appointments, therapy sessions, Early On. He's a normal one-year-old. How could this baby be anything but perfect?

So I thought, I'll just go look around the internet, and surely I'll discover that he's meeting his milestones.

And then I found the list above, and it brought me back to reality. Sucky, sucky reality.

Some days, I feel pretty down. Or furious. Or defeated. And some days I wallow. This is one of those days. OK, to tell the truth, I've been struggling a bit coping-wise for awhile now.

But then tonight was a good night. Lively composed and performed a little tune for me:

And then I felt a little better.